Week 5 College/Week 4 NFL Bets
I’m too angry to write anything about football this morning. We live in a white supremacist country with a white supremacist president. Puerto Rico is completely underwater and has no electricity but the fuckstick in chief couldn’t stop his racist pea brain from making this about him because a brown lady said a mean thing.
He’s fucking golfing and accusing someone else of being lazy and wanting everything handed to them. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck you for being soft as baby shit if you still support him. Here’s today’s picks.
Wisconsin (-16.5) vs Northwestern
Fuck the spineless coward Paul Ryan.
Florida (-9) vs Vanderbilt
Fuck Jeb Bush and Marco Rubio for not being able to beat this nitwit.
Tennessee (+10) vs Georgia
Fuck people like Bob Corker who quietly supported this wannabe fascist while carving out an “independent” role for themselves through our dipshit media.
North Carolina State (-14) vs Syracuse
Fuck the disenfranchisement lead by the GOP that lead to thousands of African Americans not being able to vote in North Carolina.
Indiana (+18.5) @ Penn State
Super fuck Mike Pence.
Iowa (+3.5) @ Michigan State
Fuck Iowa for having a disproportionate amount of power over our electoral process and for giving nacho cheese POTUS momentum going into New Hampshire, who can also go fuck themselves for the same reason.
Mississippi State (+8) @ Auburn
Fuck everyone who voted for Roy Moore.
South Carolina (+7.5) @ Texas A&M
Fuck Nikki Haley for tying herself to this circus of hatred.
Virginia Tech (+7) vs Clemson
Fuck the swamp for financially supporting white nationalism in the name of tax cuts for those who already have more than they will ever need.
Colorado (+7.5) @ UCLA
Go Rockies.
NFL bets tommorrow where maybe I’ll actually write about football instead of seething with rage over more fucking tweets from the most powerful man in the world.
New Orleans (-2) vs Miami in London
The Dolphins are a raging tire fire. I’m betting against them as much as possible the rest of the way.
Tennessee (-2.5) @ Houston
The Titans are good and the Texans are forever the Texans. 11–5 would be like winning a Super Bowl title for that hapless franchise.
Buffalo (+9) @ Atlanta
Matchup bet. Falcons defense is speedy as hell, but they’re not great against the run.
Philadelphia (+2) “@” Los Angeles Chargers
The Chargers are never playing a home game ever again.
San Francisco (+7) @ Arizona
I’m a big fan of the 49ers defensive line. I think they’ll keep a lot of games close before the offense inevitably fucks them over.
Detroit (+3) @ Minnesota
I’ll be honest, I have no clue what I’m doing with the Vikings. I’m like the drunk guy at the bar insistent on playing darts (picking Vikings games minus Bradford) when he can barely even stand.
Cincinnatti (-3) @ Cleveland
Time to go to Browns rehab. I’ve lost more money on them than any other team the last 3 years, so even if I lose this, it’ll be good for my psyche just to see a bet against the Browns up on my big board.
New York Giants (+3) @ Tampa Bay
The forever rule of the Giants is they win when everyone loses hope in them. That’s a little more difficult these days as that’s pretty much the constant, but Tampa’s banged up defense presents a perfect opportunity for Eli to push back against the “um, so Eli is decidedly mediocre at best” (true) narrative that’s developing.
Jacksonville (-4) @ New York Jets
I haven’t adjusted my ratings much on the Jets, I’ve just moved the Dolphins down into the worst teams in the league after last week’s beating. The Jags defense will restore order to the universe today.
Last Week NCAA: 8–7
Season NCAA: 26–27
Last Week NFL: 3–6
Season NFL: 13–18
